From: Why Ever Virgin?
by Kevin Whelan
In his teaching, John Paul II sheds additional light specifically with respect to the virginal marriage lived by Mary and Joseph. Marriage, we have to remember, is given to us as a sign that points the way to our ultimate goal: union with the Blessed Trinity. In fact, the ecstasy of a sexual union is a tiny taste of what we will experience in union with the Trinity forever.
The problem with most of us is that we look at marriage as an end in itself. In fact, it is sometimes difficult for men; we often see marriage as little more than ‘legal sex.’ Seen in this way, the concept of Mary and Joseph refraining from the sexual union of marriage seems unnatural. Right here is where the light shines on the truth revealed by the sign.
Mary and Joseph were in unity with the Trinity right here on earth. They were living in the destination. The second person of the Trinity lived in their house and slobbered on them. The ecstasy they experienced from this unity far exceeded that of the unity they could have enjoyed in the sign (their marriage).
Like Joseph and Mary, husbands and wives should include Jesus in their sexual union. They should invoke the holy name of Jesus in prayer just before they give themselves to each other in the sexual union. Admittedly, this may feel a little strange when it is first started, but this is where Jesus belongs. Men should take the lead in this prayer; your wives will love it! (Wow! I never thought of that before. I believe it would be a little awkward at first but I can imagine the result of increased intimacy it would create. That's some good stuff!)
The other thing Mary and Joseph teach me is that I should always look beyond the sign that I am living in my marriage and look to the real union to which I am called: the Trinity. If I’m able to do that, I stand a better chance of not abusing the sign (extra-marital sex is a serious sin) and thereby loosing the everlasting ecstasy that Jesus offers me.
To do all this, I pray to St. Joseph for help. He had the extraordinary grace to treat his wife with supernatural respect. I think he is willing to pray that I receive the grace to treat my wife with the respect she deserves: patience, gentleness and being hers alone.